Less than human. Insecurities. Defense mechanisms. Walls. Hiding your heart. Kindness without repercussion. To be kind in this day in age is opening yourself up for an onslaught. Not to say being mean works, but I tend to level with people. I try to keep my heart time-released now. I need proof of authenticity.
I tend to think I'm both sweet and sour (some of my firends tend to think so too), not to judge or dishonor company, to listen, learn, and respond in accordance with my opinions. Had my opinions been too strong to the outside, perhaps it would be called a power struggle???
To be honest I am a competitor at heart, but I always try to respect the world and people around me. I refuse to be intimidated or persuaded. If I didn't have a voice and views, I'd be compliant, yes, but I'd be weak. Not that I'd want to outwit ayone, because what's really the point of even holding a conversation if all you do is hear yourself, and hear yourself being "right"? Opinions are opinions. The productivity of a conversation comes for attempting to understand where the other person is coming from, not who can say what better or with more information attached.
If it were a power struggle, I couldn't determine my M.O. But should I be open to accept that I was indeed struggling for power, instead of feeling manipulated to think that it was a power struggle, I reasearched into it:
"http://www.magneticworkplaces.com/html/articles/conflict/doublewin.htm"
If you have never experienced a power struggle, you have probably never been in a close human relationship. Power struggles occur in every type of relationship – co-workers, boss/subordinate, business competitors, spouses, family members, and sometimes even strangers – in which there is an apparently “scarce resource.”
Others may be more intangible, such as:
· being right;
· having things done a certain way;
· having needs met first;
· looking good or bad in front of bosses or peers.
HOW TO DIMINISH A POWER STRUGGLE:
1. Broaden your perspective.
2. Reach a definition of the problem that includes the problems perceived by all involved.
3. Set aside preconceived ideas and prejudices.
4. Don’t solve the problem too quickly.
5. Make action plans concrete.
Hmm, I didn't look into the conversation that much, but...
For some reason, I feel that in the end it was a manipulation to feel badly about myself, but then again maybe I'm just struggling for power within my own self, instead of struggling for power with everyone else.
(What happened to light and fun evenings?)
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Predictability.
My friend once said to me that if I tried to lay down a path for myself, in ten years from now it may all be completely different than what I had forseen for myself. That only God will know my true path.
If tarot cards can hold your fate and destiny at there exposure, and I ask the same question twice, getting different results, is my life truly undefined? I mean, not even knowing where the cards came from. Who hands they were in before...
It seems ominous to me to chance my life by someone else's deal. It seems just as omnious to chance my life with my own deal, if I had even known how to predict. To me fate is more powerful than a deck of cards.
It's almost like couterattacking whatever's already in store for you, should there be some error or tainting in the cards or their dealer. It is a threat to fate to disrupt or try to predict the natural course of life.
To squash your life into more than one possible outcome, leaves your fate more in outside hands and less in your own. You're less of yourself, and more for the cards. It's like reading a horoscope, and wanting to believe it when it's good, and not believing in when it's bad. Feeling almost threatned when it doesn't prove accurate.
I may not be able to predict my future, but to attempt to have it predicted means to accept a fate from a power that is not my own. I'd rather it be as much in my own hands as possible.
It may be a reassurance if the draw was good, or to keep me on my toes, if the draw were bad... but I'd rather live in the unknown. Not predictable. Makes life less fun.
Then again, we were just bored at work. What else is there to do but evoke our fates so high up in the skies? Tempting as it is.
(I tend to try to think that I'm more of an observer of destiny and less of a conspirer against it)
If tarot cards can hold your fate and destiny at there exposure, and I ask the same question twice, getting different results, is my life truly undefined? I mean, not even knowing where the cards came from. Who hands they were in before...
It seems ominous to me to chance my life by someone else's deal. It seems just as omnious to chance my life with my own deal, if I had even known how to predict. To me fate is more powerful than a deck of cards.
It's almost like couterattacking whatever's already in store for you, should there be some error or tainting in the cards or their dealer. It is a threat to fate to disrupt or try to predict the natural course of life.
To squash your life into more than one possible outcome, leaves your fate more in outside hands and less in your own. You're less of yourself, and more for the cards. It's like reading a horoscope, and wanting to believe it when it's good, and not believing in when it's bad. Feeling almost threatned when it doesn't prove accurate.
I may not be able to predict my future, but to attempt to have it predicted means to accept a fate from a power that is not my own. I'd rather it be as much in my own hands as possible.
It may be a reassurance if the draw was good, or to keep me on my toes, if the draw were bad... but I'd rather live in the unknown. Not predictable. Makes life less fun.
Then again, we were just bored at work. What else is there to do but evoke our fates so high up in the skies? Tempting as it is.
(I tend to try to think that I'm more of an observer of destiny and less of a conspirer against it)
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Not Enough Time In The Day...
Anyone Agree?
Ten minutes= Getting out of bed (Actually waking up)
One hour= To look decent in the public eye
Ten minutes= To get coffee
One minute= To heat up coffee
Fourteen hours= Of a stupid job
Overtime= Prepping my site for an art career
And everything in between would be all things that need to been taken care of to coexist with myself: Piles of neglected laundry, Cleaning my room, running errands, and keeping up with the little social life I can afford to have right now.
They say: "Creative Minds are Seldom Tidy" ...Whew, do I believe it.
So mediocrity I was looking up after this post on one of my favorite reference sites, www.dictionary.com
me‧di‧o‧cre [mee-dee-oh-ker]
(adjective)
1. of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate.
2. rather poor or inferior.
(Why is ordinary or moderate quality in the same line as barely adequate and in the same description as poor or inferior???) It feels a little hypocritical to put 'ordinary' with 'barely adequate'. What kind of person, place, or thing would that describe? Just because it's ordinary, means it's inferior or inadequate? Hmm, got my mind thinking.
Enough analyzing. Not enough time for that, either.
(www.dictionary.com really is a great site by the way)
Ten minutes= Getting out of bed (Actually waking up)
One hour= To look decent in the public eye
Ten minutes= To get coffee
One minute= To heat up coffee
Fourteen hours= Of a stupid job
Overtime= Prepping my site for an art career
And everything in between would be all things that need to been taken care of to coexist with myself: Piles of neglected laundry, Cleaning my room, running errands, and keeping up with the little social life I can afford to have right now.
They say: "Creative Minds are Seldom Tidy" ...Whew, do I believe it.
So mediocrity I was looking up after this post on one of my favorite reference sites, www.dictionary.com
me‧di‧o‧cre [mee-dee-oh-ker]
(adjective)
1. of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate.
2. rather poor or inferior.
(Why is ordinary or moderate quality in the same line as barely adequate and in the same description as poor or inferior???) It feels a little hypocritical to put 'ordinary' with 'barely adequate'. What kind of person, place, or thing would that describe? Just because it's ordinary, means it's inferior or inadequate? Hmm, got my mind thinking.
Enough analyzing. Not enough time for that, either.
(www.dictionary.com really is a great site by the way)
Cliche?
Maybe. But it's a case of "pressure of the blank page".
Well, this would be my first blog entry. So, I guess first I'd like to say an official 'hello' to the online community. I'm working on setting up a website for myself, and I sort of sidetracked myself into blog-world.
At heart, I'm a writer. So it's kind of easy for me to get sidetacked with this. I enjoy it and I take pride in it. I've written near to a thousand pages of both finished and unfinished, a lot of lost and some recovered, work. (Cried for days... That was when I hated computers).
I started writing when I was fourteen. Finished an entire novel by sixteen. I sent it out to get published, and was 250 pages into the sequel when the company got back to me. If only I knew what 'unsolicitated' meant then would have saved me a lot of trouble. And over a decade later... no... It's history.
In my site, I hope to include some of my work. You'll either like it or you'll hate it. Mediocre is a non-opinion, anyway. Mediocrity is the ulimate cliche.
Well, this would be my first blog entry. So, I guess first I'd like to say an official 'hello' to the online community. I'm working on setting up a website for myself, and I sort of sidetracked myself into blog-world.
At heart, I'm a writer. So it's kind of easy for me to get sidetacked with this. I enjoy it and I take pride in it. I've written near to a thousand pages of both finished and unfinished, a lot of lost and some recovered, work. (Cried for days... That was when I hated computers).
I started writing when I was fourteen. Finished an entire novel by sixteen. I sent it out to get published, and was 250 pages into the sequel when the company got back to me. If only I knew what 'unsolicitated' meant then would have saved me a lot of trouble. And over a decade later... no... It's history.
In my site, I hope to include some of my work. You'll either like it or you'll hate it. Mediocre is a non-opinion, anyway. Mediocrity is the ulimate cliche.
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